I have been a family law litigator for over twenty years.  Within the last few years, I reached a point where I began reflecting on all of the exhausting and destructive steps, tactics, and disputes that make up a family law litigation case, and decided to step out of it, and instead represent clients in out of court Collaborative divorces instead.  There are so very many things that spouses should know before jumping into litigation that they most likely are not told out of the gate during their initial consultation with an attorney.  I could probably tell you hundreds, but I have narrowed it down today to just 5.

#1 Issue– The entire litigation process can and will likely take at least a year or more to complete; I have even seen so many take 3 – 5 years or more.  This is even the case when the spouses are saying things like “but we don’t have anything to fight over” or “we don’t own anything to fight about”.  One of the main problems that you will encounter in litigation is communication.  It is my strong opinion that having the attorneys and the parties just sitting down and discussing all of the issues in the case immediately can save the parties so much time, money and aggravation.  Unfortunately, this does not happen.  Unfortunately, what happens is that no one talks, and instead the attorneys start filing motions and requests for the other party to provide them with a long list of documents.  No one talks, and it takes forever.

#2 Issue – Your entire life will be under a microscope the entire time you are going through the litigation process.  When you are involved in family law litigation, it is very adversarial, and it is based on a win/lose mindset.  Therefore, each party will be continually looking for every single thing that they can possibly use against the other spouse in Court.  For example, your child spilling something all over his/her clothes as you are leaving the house for school is even a situation that can be used against you no matter what you do.  What decision should you make; change the clothes, but risk being late for school, or do not change clothes and send the child to school messy.  The other side will use your child being late for school during your time-sharing against you, and will also use the fact that your child was sent to school a mess against you as well.  You cannot win with whatever decision you make.  It is little things like this that add up as your case moves on over the years, that makes litigation so exhausting and frustrating.

#3 Issue – You need to be prepared to be strongly cross examined (like you see in the movies) both in the courtroom and at depositions.  I can assure you that being cross examined by an attorney will not be a fun experience.  They are going to closely dig into everything about you, every decision you have made, every bank account transaction you have made within the last several years, etc.  It can be brutal.  After I had been practicing for several years, I had the wonderful opportunity to be called as a witness in a case.  I was thrilled to see the courtroom from a different perspective.  I knew the attorneys involved, and was really looking forward to it.  That is until about two minutes into my testimony.  Once I said something that favored one side over the other the attack began.  I can assure you that it is much more fun being on the other side of the witness stand.  If litigation is your only options, and you cannot avoid testifying, make sure that your attorney thoroughly prepares you for what to expect, and runs through the difficult subjects and questions with you ahead of time; the routine of practicing what you will say, will make you much more comfortable once you are on the stand and they are firing off questions at you.

#4 Issue – You need to be prepared to spend hours and hours collecting numerous financial documents, text messages and other evidence that is either in a list outlined in a Rule, requested by your spouse’s attorney, or requested by your attorney.  When litigating, Florida requires the parties to exchange documents known as Mandatory Disclosure.  This is a laundry list of mostly financial items that you both will need to exchange with each other.  Usually, the documents that are requested by the other attorney will require you to produce significantly more documents than the items listed in Mandatory Disclosure.  And, if your case has some other unique circumstances, whatever was not covered by the other attorney or in Mandatory Disclosure will also be requested of you from your own attorney.  The other problem with producing all of these items in litigation is that it doesn’t stop.  As your case goes on month after month, or year after year, you will be required to provide updated documents until your case is concluded.  Please be prepared to have to gather all of these items and provide them to the other side, usually within a 30 – 45 days of the request, depending on the basis for the request.  The amount of free time that you have to dedicate to your divorce is definitely a factor to consider when you are deciding whether or not the litigation process option for divorce is right for you.

#5 Issue – Even after a hearing, it can take weeks or many months to get an Order entered by the Judge.  Many times, after you finally have your hearing in front of the Judge, as you eagerly await the Judge’s ruling at the end of the hearing, you instead hear something to the effect of “I will take this under advisement and have an order to you shortly.”  Sometimes the order will be issued within a week or two, but many times it can take several weeks, or even months for the Court to issue a ruling.  In the meantime, you will find yourself in limbo, only being governed by a Standing Administrative Order that does not really address your specific needs.

This is only a very small sampling of the issues you will likely encounter in a litigated family law case.  You can probably see why I now only represent clients who wish to address their family law matters outside of the courtroom, where there is significantly less wasted energy, and much more productive efforts to resolve things swiftly and efficiently for my clients.  If you question the accuracy of the litigation issues I have described, I encourage you to ask another attorney about it, or better yet, ask a friend who has been through a litigated divorce.  If you wish to avoid these issues, I also encourage you to learn more about the Collaborative process as an alternative, out of court, option for you and your family.